Always Stuck in Second Gear

For those of you who get the reference, good for you! You, too, may have watched Friends every day after school because, you know, it was on. For those of you who still don't get the reference because you don't even know what Friends is, congratulations! I think you may need to consider moving because you currently live under a rock.

At any rate, this post is about stagnancy and, well, friends. I've had a minute but nagging feeling over the past couple of weeks that has been something like frustration, helplessness and insecurity rolled into one. Again, it has been minute, but I have been conscious of the fact that it has been lurking in the background. Mostly, I think that it has been coming from the fact that I have not made that many Jordanian friends compared to others on the program. Seeing as most of my relationships at home depend on conversation, it has been hard for me to adjust to the fact that I have to get by with smiling and miming a lot of the time (I'll be the first to admit that I feel like I look like an idiot/creepy while doing this -- when was the last time you saw an ceaselessly grinning mime?). Moreover, it has been especially hard to just forget about especially deep conversations with anyone who does not speak very good English. At home, I don't spend very much time in large groups because they make me uncomfortable. Here, however, my ways have not served me well.

Progress, however, has been made. This evening, my friend Ella and I met up with a wonderful girl named Rawan. She approached me at the gym one day and, having apparently seen me everywhere, decided to introduce herself (not sure if you can imagine this, but I sort of stand out). She's about a foot shorter than I am (like most Jordanians) but twice as loud, is quite liberal socially and is, in a word, awesome.

A story to describe Rawan: as I was nearing the door to the gym the other day, she was coming down the hill, carrying her books and waving madly with one little hand. I waited for her so that we could walk in together, check-in and, as I thought, maybe get treadmills next to each other and talk a little bit, as one might. As we approach the desk to check-in, however, something changed in her face. 'I need some energy,' she said. Being the boring, one-track-minded, former-athlete that I am, I sensibly told her that exercise gives you endorphins and that exercising, in and of itself, would give her energy. Her response, coupled with a sigh of exasperation, was 'No, I mean like a brownie.' Though I have a one-track mind does not mean that said track cannot easily be changed, so off we went to the corner store. With 5 brownies and a Bounty bar (kind of like Mounds, but better) in hand, we returned to the foyer of the gym to prepare for our respective workouts. An hour later, I had not only /not/ exercised, but had spent the entire time talking with Rawan and eating candy instead. Time well spent. Really.

More to come as I emerge from my stupid, stupid 'hermitude.'

love,

anneke